Sunday, May 5, 2013

Off Topic: Dinner Drama

Does anyone else feel like preparing dinner is like being on one of those competitive cooking shows? I swear that some nights (like tonight) I hear Ted Allen’s always-charming voice inside my head...

Ted: Contestants, open your baskets! Tonight you must prepare dinner with… (dramatic pause)…
  1. Bone-In, Skin-On Chicken that you bought because it was cheap and now is threatening to spoil if you don’t cook it soon
  2. Pasta, because you served rice last night and one of your kids would rather NOT eat potatoes
  3. A completely filthy kitchen, with at least two loads of dirty dishes sitting around
You Have 30 Minutes. Please begin!
Judge 1: Oh, the producers have a bit of a sadistic streak tonight, eh? I mean, after the long day she had today, they give her bony chicken AND dirty dishes all over the prep table? Ouch!
Judge 2: Chicken leg quarters are inexpensive and low quality. But more importantly, they take at least an hour to roast in the over, and she only has HALF that time!
Judge 3: I agree, and Farmer is at a real disadvantage here. She will HAVE to bone out and skin that chicken if she’s going to finish in time, and she has only the smallest of experience butchering birds. Her real talent is disassembling pork. Couldn’t we cut her a break and give her more time?
Ted: No chance. Those kids have school in the morning, and they need to get up early. Besides, there is no doubt some homework that has yet to be completed, so she’s gotta get them fed so she can discover it. Wow! Look at her washing the dishes while the pasta-water boils! Excellent time management!!
25.5 Minutes Later:
Ted: The clock is running down. The table is nearly set, and the hubby is starting to circle. Water glasses are filled… She’s draining the pasta… Wait! The Hubby just called the kids to the table! They’ve come running and the dish isn’t assembled yet! Look at those faces staring into the kitchen as she stirs the sauce into the noodles…
Judge 2: Get it served… GET IT SERVED!!
Ted: AAAAANNNNDDD…. Time’s Up. Please step away.
Me: Whew. Hope you like it.
Family: MMmmm…
And Then the Cycle Repeats....


  1. All you need now is the post-competition, minute-by-minute commentary by the contestant... I call for a video blog!!!

    1. I'm not THAT talented. Besides, I really don't think the interwebs are ready for the horror that is my kitchen.... LOL